Luce Del Sole

2012-02-11T19:16:00.001+08:00

Be professional. No one is perfect. I am more than my anger. I am more than my fear. You are human. You cannot harm me. I will love you for my 2 hours.

Croz,
I'm scared.
What would you do?

I'm more than this. I can see past it all, and I will come through.

It's my last show.
Do
It
Well.

2012-02-11T13:12:00.000+08:00

Am I really good enough?

what if I don't make it?

All or Nothing

2012-01-29T00:15:00.003+08:00

but you made your way back home,

you sold your soul

like a Roman bag of bones.

Because you made me feel like I'm worth something.

Because you saved me.

If we were drifting apart,

I miss you.

you saved me from myself.

I am good enough.

I am worth something.

I am more than my oppression.

Is my darkness my comfort?

my addiction.

it's been there for so long,

Who am I without it?

Croz,

did you help me

because of my plight

and that you felt sorry for me?

or did you actually think I was good enough?

you said that I wasn't worthless.

and that I had to stop thinking that way.

I didn't tell anyone that.

so did you see it in my eyes?

am I worthy of your help?

am I as important?

should I be heard?

If I Stand Alone

2012-01-19T02:36:00.002+08:00

Que Suis-je, en dehors de cette dépression.

mindset

2012-01-15T18:18:00.001+08:00

l'amour est le bouton magique

I never told anyone.
And yet you knew.
You looked at me
And knew.

que je ne peux pas regarder au-delà mon oppression. que je suis en dépression à cause de la croyance que je ne suis pas assez bon.

Why is happiness still a struggle?

2012-01-04T01:04:00.001+08:00

The fear of possibility

Je ne sais pas ce que je veux plus

2011-12-05T14:07:00.001+08:00

Sleepwalk
Daydream

What is happening?

Something bothering you,
Is it me?
My never ending needs
To conform to society?

What happened to my
"if you don't like it, fuck you" attitude?

Why am I not working harder
To get out of here?

This semester changed everything.
Mais dame en rouge,
Tu sais que je serai là pour vous.

Are you afraid to be the only one left?
Life used to be simple.

I don't know how to give,
I don't feel like I'm there at all.

Abandonment

2011-11-17T14:09:00.001+08:00

Maybe I can't bring myself to commit because in the end everyone would leave.

Je veux retourner à Paris

2011-10-23T22:17:00.002+08:00

The stars a blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun.

When I didn't have to answer to anyone but myself.

Mama says the Legend is so open

because at a point of time,

she believed that she had nothing left to lose.

If I could forget about everything,

and just be.

Without fear of consequences,

maybe I can finally grow.

Maybe I can finally know who I am.

I know I'm strong,

in certain ways,

I've overcome and learnt from my experiences.

but that's the thing,

it's My Own Experiences.

If you see someone you love reaching for a fire,

and no matter what you say,

they still continue to reach for it,

what will you do?

I'd let them get burn.

Because then they'll learn.

Tough love.

Tough life.

I feel like an airhead.

I'm not thinking deep thoughts,

just shallow ones.

Back there,

I was in charge of my on decisions,

my own future.

And I felt so liberated,

for the first time,

I understood why

teens say they want more "freedom"

Because we're so bloody protected from the world,

when all we want to do

is see it,

and learn.

Somnambulisme

2011-08-24T19:23:00.003+08:00

Listen to the Croz

You made me believe that

There's still hope.

But now,

I'm burned out.

I'm dead.

It used to be,

just get through this,

'cause sooner or later,

it'll be over.

But now I know

over doesn't last.

C'est pour ça que je redoute rentrer à la maison?

Let Me Out

2011-07-19T23:44:00.003+08:00

and today you accidentally called me,

"baby"

Everyday is a reminder

of what I hate most in life.

The lack of control,

the soulless days where by

I'm just sleepwalking the whole day.

I want to be back when we were 16.

And just stay there,

when we didn't have any of these choices.

I want life to go on.

I don't want to be 17 anymore.

I honestly don't know what you want,

honestly,

will it be awkward?

Yes.

Do I want to be friends?

What will that mean?

How do we start again?

I don't want to make any decisions

now that I'm vulnerable.

2011-07-06T22:33:00.002+08:00

I'm only 17,

I don't want to be one of the zombies in the train

that don't have any dreams,

or forgotten that they had any to begin with.

you took everything else away,

please let me keep this.

Tout que je peux penser est le sexe, la drogue et l'alcool.

2011-06-26T23:03:00.002+08:00

fuck you for thinking what I did was punishing you for what you did,

fuck you for saying that you don't know what you did to deserve it.

you stopped listening,

and I grew up.

don't say it as if I abuse you.

don't say it as if I don't

hold you or

slow down.

don't tell me that you're perfect,

don't tell me that you never made a single mistake.

if it weren't for you,

where would I be right now?

I'm OK (subtext)

2011-06-15T20:54:00.001+08:00

I'm tired of walking on eggshells,

So terrified to fail.

And in order to please you,

I abandon myself.

And though it used to hurt me

when you pushed me away,

What

Going

When

This

All

Ends.

Je ne veux pas faire de psychologie, je ne veux pasapprendre les sciences, je ne veux pas faire des affaires, je ne veux pas faire de la chirurgie, je ne veux pas couper les morts vers le haut. Je veux agir, c'est que trop difficile à comprendre? Non, c'est juste pourpas chers à destination.

How I wish you knew,

how much I need you.

I feel like running,

but I can't abandon you.

You avoid my gaze,

withdraw from me these days.

You punish me,

from trying to be,

all that you wanted.

What more can I do?

et vous, vous êtes le président. et vous me juger surmes propres opinions? contradiction ne même pas commencer à le couvrir. Je peux agir. Je le sais. ne pense pas que tu es meilleur que moi. juste pour quevous le savez, les gens qui me regardent de haut, j'ai tendance à prouver qu'ils ont tort.

I'm stronger than ever,

you made me this way.

But I Am A Good Girl

2011-06-09T21:46:00.002+08:00

Fuck Lewis

How long will it take for you to understand that I don't want a job where I am constantly hating my life. I don't want to live life knowing I have no where to go and me constantly wanting to end everything and just give up.

I had a nightmare, that I couldn't act anymore. Because I forgot how.

I gave up talking to you. Because I know how fucking futile it will be. You don't know better, because you never dreamed big enough.

You can't say what I have or what I don't, because you've never experienced it.

Will things be okay?

2011-05-24T23:26:00.001+08:00

Do I risk it all?

Come this far,

just to fall?

It's Been A Lifetime Hasn't It?

2011-05-19T23:10:00.003+08:00

What I did.

Was it right?

Where is everyone,

when I need them?

You can't tell me to relax

and just "go for dinner for now"

because I don't have the time.

I'm starting to like my job.

Even though there's that voice that says

I can't cope.

The pain of not knowing what's going on.

Why did I agree to do something

I don't believe in?

Why on Earth am I so...

weak.

Things take time,

and heal.

I know everything happens for a reason,

but what am I supposed to do now?

Turn Me Inside Out.

2011-05-19T23:04:00.002+08:00

I did everything right.

I studied hard.

I did what you wanted.

I didn't choose the risky choice.

I chose something safer over something I loved.

I did something completely Singaporean.

I listened to you.

I know we've had this conversation.

I know that's why I'm not talking to you.

I don't know why I'm doing this anymore.

I wonder what will happen now that I love my job.

I don't know why I hate the school.

I did everything right.

Why aren't I happy?

I Know How Georgia Feels.

2011-04-22T23:46:00.002+08:00

to be the one who is as good as anyone else.

to be the one who is trying so hard to not screw up.

to work harder than Nikki,

but to watch her step into the spotlight

time and time again.

Being tired of being sad.

Being sad to not be interesting enough,

not funny enough,

not good at imitations,

not bad enough.

If I could have another second to think,

I'd tell you that I'm scared.

I needed your advice

but you were never around.

You guys are amazing.

How I'm a stereotype for crying now,

kinda makes me smile.

Comment est-il que quelque chose que j'aime peutme rend si heureux encore si triste en meme temps?

Dear Elfin;

2011-03-06T00:15:00.002+08:00

Can't love no one else,

'til you love yourself.

And if they don't like it,

tell 'em:

Get in line,

and kiss your ass.

Muah!

I think a lot of people have forgotten about this place,

but if you're looking at this,

know that you're awesome.

You came such a long way,

and I'm so proud of you.

You played such a important part in the 2 short years we were friends.

You supported me when I was at my low points,

and celebrated with me when life wasn't so bitchy.

No amount of XOXOs will be enough,

so thank you,

and happy birthday ah ma!

Parce qu'ils m'ont entendu la première fois.

2011-02-16T00:14:00.002+08:00

I serve it up in a shot,

so suck it down like a man.

Thought I would forget,

Didn't you?

I remember.

It hurts because,

I thought I found you,

at last.

Do you not understand,

you of all people

should know.

Thank you for making me feel "SO SECURE"

really,

love me for me,

bitch.

I'm trying really hard

to want to miss you.

I'm trying really hard

to see past the "who cares" attitude.

I'm trying really hard

to be excited about anything.

There used to be something.

I used to dream.

In Fifty Years or So

2011-01-15T22:02:00.005+08:00

You can like the life you're living,

You can live the life you like.

It's funny how when I talk to you, I can feel so completely alone.

It's funny how I used to be able to tell you anything, but it's like you don't know what boundaries are or when some places are inappropriate for certain topics.

It's funny how you seem to not understand who I am, the looks you give me.

I'm happy you don't ask me anymore, because the answer ain't you now.

Aren't We Supposed to Dream Big?

2011-01-07T23:10:00.002+08:00

Oh Miss Mango tank top,

where are you when I need your advice the most?

Oh Madre,

how could you doubt this,

when you knew how much it hurt me in the past?

Before Decade Ends;

2010-12-31T21:13:00.002+08:00

No more shit.

It has been a hell of a year, but honestly it has been a great one. This year made me understand how life can truly be a bitch but that you can find strength in the littlest of things. It is the end of a decade, the end of an era. Next year we'll have different paths, different lives but we still stay the same. We as individuals will stay us no matter how much we change. Keeping that in mind, we're young and let's have some fun. =)

Castle Walls

2010-12-14T00:54:00.002+08:00

Everyone thinks that I have it all,
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls;
These castle walls.
If I should tumble if I should fall,
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls.
There's no one here at all,
Behind these castle walls.

Observing the estate through the gate from the outside looking in
Bet you would think I got it made, better look again
I got buttler, got a maid, and a mansion
The belief is that I'm living out a millionaires fantasy
With pantoms and ferrari's in the driveway
But you see the pain and the change of the same man's
Your vision jaded by the grammy's on the mantelpiece
Just switch your camera lenses you would see the agony
Apparantly it's damaging the man you see before you
On the canvas he may seem alright but all the diasadvantages his family
Encounters overpowers his extravagance
Walk in my? I dare you
While it really seem like the kings life aint glamourous
As seen through the eyes of untrained amateurs
Because the camera's don't see beyond the walls of the smiles
Only counts until it falls in the pile

Behind these castle walls.

Honestly to me, I think I'd lose every benefit of all that I've accomplished
If my key is never with it, shit
Me knowing this, why should the verses I have laid
Be more important to me than the persons I have raised
I guess I'm saying that to say that ooportunity
But they just don't equate to all the time they take away
From the kids all the shit I did right is a mistake
If deyjah end up a stripper and major slinging yay
How could I ever consider myself a great
If messiah ain't paid and nique nique ain't straight
Would your favourite song about the whips, money and shit
Be relevant if you found out, the money wasn't real, nope
So me being the goat shouldn't mean more to me
Than see it to a king though
From a bad ass kid to man with some dough
Otherwise I may well have stayed poor
So while they stay focused on me beefin with flip,
Shawty low, gucci or ludacris
Or if I'm fucking with a hoe
Did I snitch when I got arrested or will I die over nonesense
Internally I'm dealing with this conflict
So excuse me if I don't get the chance to kiss the hand
Or slap me in the face, ay I, m just the man
If they saying I ain't the best at making hit records
It's cause this my life these ain't just rapping
Shit, you think of that deep, did ya dawg
See you can't see the castle through the walls till it falls
Bitch ain't thinking with the deep, did ya dog
Cause see you can't see the castle through the walls till it falls

Everyone thinks that I have it all,
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls;
These castle walls.
If I should tumble if I should fall,
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls.
There's no one here at all,
Behind these castle walls.

Nobody knows I'm all alone,
Living in this castle made of stone.
They say that money is freedom
but I feel trapped inside it all.
And while I sit so high up on a throne,
I wonder how I can feel this low.
On top of the world it's beautiful,
But there's no place to fall.
For the record ay, I give a damn if I never said shit again
My career was meant for me to come and tell it
Honest interpretation of how affected I'm faced with
Matters most rappers used to keep locked away in the basement
The day that I walk I ain't saying that I'm amazing
Down playing the way I keep fellas from catching cases
Won't take into consideration how much it mean what I'm saying
And when I say what I mean even when I'm sorrounded by the fakers
From one of the greatest centers, blessed with most of god's graces
Who made his way amongst the greatest from the grimiest places
So next time you rating royalty, I'm always being given to recordings than the level
Of your loyalty, obvious you've been ignoring me
Who else ya seen make it through the storm, unharmed disjointed
While all the critics was looking for prince charming
Disregarded the king of the south raised doubt
Even though he made a castle out of used to be a house
He did shit that all your favourites rappers only rap about
But most of y'all don't see the castle through the walls
And the smiles till it falls in piles so while...

Behind these castle walls.

Everyone thinks that I have it all,

But it's so empty living behind these castle walls;
These castle walls.
If I should tumble if I should fall,
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls.
There's no one here at all,

Behind these castle walls.

Observing the estate through the gate from the outside looking in
Bet you would think I got it made, better look again
I got buttler, got a maid, and a mansion
The belief is that I'm living out a millionaires fantasy
With pantoms and ferrari's in the driveway
But you see the pain and the change of the same man's
Your vision jaded by the grammy's on the mantelpiece
Just switch your camera lenses you would see the agony
Apparantly it's damaging the man you see before you
On the canvas he may seem alright but all the diasadvantages his family
Encounters overpowers his extravagance
Walk in my? I dare you
While it really seem like the kings life aint glamourous
As seen through the eyes of untrained amateurs
Because the camera's don't see beyond the walls of the smiles
Only counts until it falls in the pile

Behind these castle walls.

Nobody knows I'm all alone,
Living in this castle made of stone.
They say that money is freedom

but I feel trapped inside it all.

And while I sit so high up on a throne,
I wonder how I can feel this low.
On top of the world it's beautiful,
But there's no place to fall.

For the record ay, I give a damn if I never said shit again
My career was meant for me to come and tell it
Honest interpretation of how affected I'm faced with
Matters most rappers used to keep locked away in the basement
The day that I walk I ain't saying that I'm amazing
Down playing the way I keep fellas from catching cases
Won't take into consideration how much it mean what I'm saying
And when I say what I mean even when I'm sorrounded by the fakers
From one of the greatest centers, blessed with most of god's graces
Who made his way amongst the greatest from the grimiest places
So next time you rating royalty, I'm always being given to recordings than the level
Of your loyalty, obvious you've been ignoring me
Who else ya seen make it through the storm, unharmed disjointed
While all the critics was looking for prince charming
Disregarded the king of the south raised doubt
Even though he made a castle out of used to be a house
He did shit that all your favourites rappers only rap about
But most of y'all don't see the castle through the walls
And the smiles till it falls in piles so while...

Everyone thinks that I have it all,
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls;
These castle walls.
If I should tumble if I should fall,
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls.
There's no one here at all,

Behind these castle walls.

10 Warriors

2010-12-09T22:00:00.002+08:00

Now "Chain of Fools" and "Respect"

Was the Anthem of a woman Aretha said.

I feel an odd comfort knowing that here, I am alone. I shall tell a story because I feel obligated to do it here.

We had all been good friends for about a year. But we started to see this other side of him. Honestly, we felt annoyed. Irritated at his childish ways. And slowly began to pull away from him. Sadly, at the same time, he was in love with a friend of ours. His denial at this obvious fact strained our friendship even more so to the point where he became aware of it. Of course we talked it out, but this was far from over.

We still fell apart. We held him so close to our hearts. The thing is another guy was also in love with the aforementioned friend and as mean as it was, I rooted for this guy. Both guys were my friends but I just did. Was this betrayal? But on April 16, it was the end. We put up one last show and it was understood that everything was gone.

After that I thought it was over but it wasn't. He would play tricks and lay traps so that we wouldn't get certain opportunities on things that we loved. Is this giving us a taste of our own medicine? Was this payback for not supporting him on something he wouldn't admit to?

Half a year had past and I went to see the little idiots, who were arguing. We decided to tell them about the horrid road we took. We wanted them to learn from our mistakes and not follow in our footsteps. Just give them advice and not for them to butt in into our unresolved conflict.

Of course they did which makes everything messy again. The things is, the guy thinks we told the juniors to gossip about him, somehow making us hypocrites and liars.

The thing is, I'm so tired of all of it. I'm so tired of the animosity and mistrust. Honestly, I just want to put everything behind us so that we could all be happy again. I want to apologise because of the lack of effort in trying to make the friendship work. But at the same time, I don't know what would happen.

Thank You

2010-12-02T23:26:00.004+08:00

Hey this is Shane Gerosi.

You're a classy and honest woman;

Both naughty and nice;

Ravishing;

Impressive;

Seductive and Sexy.

Christina, thank you so much.

Please never stop.

Remind Me

2010-11-23T00:18:00.004+08:00

Cause I'm doing things I normally won't do.

The old me is gone,

I feel brand new.

And if you don't like it,

Fuck you.

Honestly,

I felt sick.

I don't know how to wrap my head around it.

How and why.

I don't like following most trends

and I love things that are underrated and unknown to most,

even to the point of hating it when others start to know and like it too.

Because,

when it comes the day

that I share everything of mine

with everyone else,

I will cease to exist.

Because I just want to be like how I was when I was born-unique.

If that is taken away,

I'll just fade into the background.

hmmmmm.

I Am Done, Smoking Gun.

2010-10-30T21:55:00.003+08:00

Maybe it's doubt.

Maybe it's pain.

Maybe it's solace.

Will this end soon?

I understand those who did,

when they did.

Why they didn't

when they didn't.

Such a spastic love.

Maybe when it's over,

I can feel free to say

ok.

Maybe when I come back,

I can find who I am.

Goodbye, sweethearts.

I'll be back soon.

THINGS TO DO/GET/BUY/WATCH AFTER "O"s

2010-07-05T10:34:00.003+08:00

movies:

The Lovely Bones.

Valentine's Day

Shutter Island

Alice In Wonderland

Bounty Hunter

Clash Of The Titans

Date Night

Kick-Ass

Back-Up Plan

The Losers

Shrek 4

Sex and The City 1 and 2

Killers

Toy Story 3

Predators

Despicable Me

Salt

Going The Distance

The American

Easy A

Burlesque

Life As We Know It

Gun

Knight and Day

Harry Potter 7

things to do/ places to go:

learn how to ride a bike

chalets

sleepovers

shop

food trip

Movie marathons

Friends Marathons

(this is too general)

shows:

CSI:miami season 6 and 7

GLEE

Cougar Town

The Big Bang Theory

How I Met Your Mother

Everybody Loves Raymond

FRIENDS

Parenthood

Grey's Anatomy

Private Practice

90210

30 rock

8 Simple Rules

Mercy

Scrubs

Bones

Ghost Whisperer

Veronica Mars

Buy:

BIONIC DELUXE

The Pact-Jodi Picoult

Pencil Case

Purse

Shoes

Dresses

more stuff.

Sunshine

2010-06-08T15:18:00.002+08:00

define: hope.

ember lights.

snow.

rice.

smile.

In the end,

when you thanked me,

I saw it,

pure,

innocent

and overwhelming.

I saw it pour through your eyes,

and I knew you meant it.

I will keep this safe,

I will come back,

I will hold my words,

I will remember.

Double Quarter Pounder

2010-05-14T22:45:00.002+08:00

I'll miss it. Everything. The little things, the big ones. I'll miss the taking off of our shoes so diligently 3 years ago, and now just walking in, leaving our footprints everywhere. I'll miss the talking and laughing, and Teban-ing. I'll miss the frisbee after drama, and the bubble tea after frisbee. I'll miss motivation. I'll miss the trainers. I'll miss the lame jokes. I'll miss the smiles. I'll miss the ramps. I'll miss it all.

But I don't have the time now. I'm scared, if one day when we're back, we'll be strangers. Will it be the same?

"This is all just temporary" someone wise said this, and another wise fella reminded me of this.

I want something in my life to give it some semblance of meaning, it used to be the Tuesdays and Fridays. But that's gone, temporarily. I need to put on hold getting a life now so I can "plan" for the future. Au Revoir!

We'll Go Be Heroes.

2010-04-29T17:56:00.004+08:00

You're a dope. And you're a bonehead. And you're... shirty!

Thanks to all,

who made me feel,

loved,

and cared for.

I have a dilemma.

What do I do,

when there are 3 things that hang in the balance?

so many things would get compromised.

It's the finale tomorrow.

I would probably miss it.

geez,

why am I so upset?

how do you think clearly,

when your head hurts?

think,

with our heart.

it will come again,

maybe at the end,

maybe in the next,

I'll hold in the tears for now.

I don't know what to do

for tomorrow.

There's type of loneliness

that comes with being special.

there's a type of solitude

that comes with true power.

There's a price to pay

when you're chosen.

but it's what we need,

leaders,

good ones.

don't laugh at them,

because in the end,

they run past boundaries

that no one dares to cross,

they try and try again,

they don't mind the sacrifice,

as long as we move together.

It's lonely there,

because when someone has that label,

everyone instantaneously throws everything to that person.

It is lonely.

when you are one person,

and no one understands what

you are going through,

all you see

is a piece of paper,

and once you make a little

tear,

or stain,

or spot,

or crease,

then they're gonna blame you.

what a price to pay.

and they still do it.

they still do it because,

no one else will.

because,

the end matters too much,

to walk away.

Fingerprint

2010-04-23T23:06:00.002+08:00

Time goes by,

and everything drops away.

I remember when i disliked you guys,

losers with such a snobbish attitude.

But I see you now,

grown up,

knowing when to do what,

and I'm so proud.

I'm so proud of you guys,

for being such great juniors.

At the end of the day,

it doesn't matter

whether your socks don't match,

or you have messy hair,

or you have your own abstract way of thinking,

in the end,

it all comes down to you.

Maybe it's selfish of me,

but there are some things

that I don't want to share,

because these are the only things,

that I can solely call my own.

Like,

shows,

music,

books,

writing,

quotes,

clothes,

hairstyles,

celebrities.

ETC.

you get my point.

Is it really that selfish,

when you just want to go

back to the beginning,

where each of us was unique.

Is it really that selfish,

that I want to be myself?

no,

it isn't.

It really isn't.

It's difficult.

Because there are always those,

who inevitably seem to do the same thing as you.

Teevee Whore.

2010-04-20T20:09:00.004+08:00

Okay so that would be 2 cups of tarragon, 1 pound of baking soda and 1 red onion?

What the hell are you cooking?

I have finally rediscovered why I write.

The inspiration you get from friends.

Mentors,

Kin.

etc.

At the point

where you don't have turn around

to know that they are smiling at you.

I can't doubt a human's ability to love.

I've seen and experienced enough miracles,

and I know better.

It's touching,

how you poured so much love into something,

without expecting anything back.

How you guide us,

because of your passion,

and love for us.

It's scary,

how I'm typing here,

even though I should be studying.

I've lost my motivation.

No.

I've made myself a promise.

You'll see me,

next January.

I'll be on stage,

And no,

it won't be a performance.

Standing Ovation

2010-04-16T22:45:00.002+08:00

It's just a piece of paper.

Thank you,

for being with me through

this bitter sweet moment.

Still fight,

Still try your hardest,

Still dream

The end of this journey,

isn't the end of the world

So let's do this,

together.

Let's have coffee.

I do promise,

I will be back,

I will visit,

I will always love you guys.

Faith is believing what you cannot see.

This Friday Fourteen Hundred Hours.

2010-04-14T17:31:00.001+08:00

I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.

I Will Remember

2010-04-13T22:13:00.002+08:00

You might say I'm a dreamer,

but I'm not the only one.

It was easy,

the way you said it,

and made it happen.

You show such immense love for us,

and I worry how we may let you down,

how our last performance may be our worst.

Thank you,

for wanting to help us,

for working on making this

such a "kick ass" show.

I am scared.

As are the rest of us.

I'm afraid though.

How we might not be able to

put your thoughts into actions.

I've gotten complacent.

Believing what we're doing

is already good enough.

But it isn't,

I used to be able to talk to people,

but now I can't.

But you have always believed in me.

Even when i didn't believe in myself.

So thank you,

for loving us.

Four In The Evening

2010-04-10T22:54:00.003+08:00

What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me is that you're freakishly tall! I feel like a woodland creature!

Have you ever wondered,

that life would be better

if everyone were shadows?

How we would always have to perfect figure,

perfect face.

How everyone would look,

identical.

But then again,

what about all the things we love.

What would it be like in a world

where you can't give someone you love a kiss,

or hold their hand,

or put a ring on their finger,

or see them smile?

In the end,

what can make us unique?

When we look the same?

How are you going to recognise

your loved one from others?

How are you going to show,

that you're happy?

If we were shadows,

what is the meaning,

of life?

Existence.

2010-04-06T22:18:00.003+08:00

If it matters to you, it matters.

Today it hit me.

How this was the last time we were performing.

How grateful I was with everyone who guided me, every step of the way.

It was awful, it’s fine if you hate her, but don’t talk to me as if I do too.

In the end, how do you love, without a heart?

When you talked to me, I felt so light hearted.

I really don’t know what is going to happen to us.

I love this, more than anything else in the world. Do you really understand?

Not This Time

2010-04-02T23:26:00.003+08:00

Forgiving someone requires more courage than hurting someone.

Have I made the wrong move.

Should I have waited?

Will we get the chance to talk?

Would you make the time,

just to listen to me,

whether I'm bored?

Did you mean what you say?

Was I wrong?

Base Purples

2010-03-19T14:20:00.002+08:00

I'm throwing on my Louboutins.

When you have seen what it has become, maybe, you'll understand. It's hurts too much, and I'm scared, if we leave, and you fail is it your fault? No, never, it'll be us who didn't show you the right path, it'll be us who will take the blame. The thing is, we will take it, willingly, but you see, we want to leave, smiling.

When I saw the original, and I see us now, I don't know what to do. It hurts because I can't do anything that I want to because of your pathetic insecurities.

When I see you now, I'm disgusted, because you still think that everything is just a game.

When I look at you, I so desperately want to help, and not walk away.

Give me a reason to stay.

Give Me a Sign

2010-03-10T23:40:00.004+08:00

In terms of which is the better adhesive, super glue sticks okay, but glitter is permanent.

It's was the disappointing,

because,

I didn't want them to fail.

I didn't want myself to fail.

It hurts when you see people,

who don't cherish what they have.

It hurts when you're stuck,

and you just don't know what to do.

It hurts to breathe.

It hurts to cry.

And then it rained.

As if he felt helpless,

and disappointed,

like us.

As if it would have helped,

helped us wash our problems away.

Will it?

Is there an superior being up there?

Because I prayed,

I prayed and prayed,

but you didn't answer

my pleas.

So give me a sign,

to keep me fighting.

Shit Happens

2010-03-06T00:38:00.004+08:00

When a star shines, it means a soul is free.

I saw it,

your unhappiness,

the animosity in your eyes,

once I told you.

How everything changed,

how life was once full of opportunities,

but now,

a desert,

bare and dry.

I forgot what passion had felt like,

until you told us,

how much you wanted to help us

and how simply you thought of it.

Because for you,

it isn't a burden,

not even a job,

you wanted to do it,

for us,

not because you had to,

but because

you truly loved us.

And I see now,

what I'm doing is

for the eyes of all

the ones we would leave behind,

for all the pain

that was brought upon us,

for the pride

that I hope will shine in your eyes,

for the simple

yet powerful word-passion.

because you once showed me

how to stand up,

and you gave me the strength

to speak up.

I see everything

that I'm doing.

And I know,

that I'm doing it,

most importantly,

for you.

Glee

2010-02-14T00:38:00.002+08:00

Think like a child,

dream big.

I had a fruitful year.

Gained a lot,

lost a lot.

In the end,

it comes down to one thing,

I don't care.

I don't care

that I don't get inspired,

that I can't write,

that I can't stay awake,

that I don't get credit.

I don't care,

because in 8 months,

these things will mean nothing,

if I make a mistake,

it's gonna screw up my life.

I want to look at her straight into her eyes and shout IN YOUR FACE.

I'm sick of crying,

because I know that it won't help.

I don't care about petty problems,

because they will come and go,

because life's a bitch.

I don't bleedin' care

if I make a fool out of myself trying,

because in the end,

I knew what I wanted.

How many people

can say that

they're doing what they love,

every single day?

I'm going to be one of the few.

Because I will fight

for what I believe in.

Care to join me?

What ever happened to believing?

2010-01-22T21:30:00.002+08:00

You didn't earn it. You didn't work for it. You've never had anyone come up to you and say you deserve these things more than anyone else. They were just handed to you. So that doesn't make you better than us. It makes you luckier than us.

Spoken;

Which do you prefer?

Not being good at something,

and therefore not being chosen,

or not being chosen,

although you're good,

you're wanted,

but just not available.

Stupidity;

Why must life be such

that we can never go back in time,

and change all the mistakes

that we have made.

Suffering;

Why is it that

when I look back now,

I can't tell why I made those choices,

not anymore.

Self-Condemnation;

Because I do regret.

Because it hurts to see bored faces,

when they are the ones with the privileges.

Because it hurts to watch the things that they do,

knowing that I could have been a part of it.

Because it hurts to breathe.

We Band of Buggered

2010-01-15T19:15:00.003+08:00

Is everyone here very stoned?

In the end,

when everything fell away,

we were happy,

if you forget

all the animosity,

and the pain,

you will find other things,

that are far more important.

Because maybe,

in the end,

we do render supreme.

Because maybe,

in the end,

no matter how the others fared,

we worked together,

and things turned out well.

White Noodles

2010-01-13T19:31:00.002+08:00

There's a difference between choosing life and avoiding death.

Don't you think,

if you said yes,

you would have seen smiles?

Don't you think,

we are sick and tired

of hearing contradicting,

pathetic remarks?

Don't you think,

that instead of

helping someone,

you're actually putting them down?

Don't you think,

that we actually have feelings?

Don't you think,

there are better ways?

Don't you think,

that we deserve a chance,

like everyone else?

Don't you think,

other people do matter,?

Don't you think,

that sometimes,

it's not all about you

and your accomplishments

because no one cares?

Don't you think,

that in the end,

we're not happy,

at all?

Belonging

2010-01-01T23:40:00.002+08:00

Life is precious and there's not a lot of room for anger.

Hello.

I'm READY for an awesome year.

Hello.

I'm going to learn how to ride a bike.

Hello.

I'm going to blog no matter how cheem I am.

Hello.

I'm going to read more books.

Hello.

I'm going to study like crazy for the next 10 months.

Hello.

I'm going to be less temperamental.

Hello.

I'm finally going to grow up.

Hello.

If you want to comment

(Yes, NiaoFin, I'm talking about you)

click the "0 comments" link

at the bottom of this post.

Hello.

I know this post is not cheem at all.

Joie De Vivre

2009-12-31T19:18:00.003+08:00

There is love after love, because the heart has the ability to love and then love completely and fully another.

It was cloudy,

It was,

but I saw,

millions of millions of stars.

Then I saw it,

some faded away,

and some shone brighter.

And I understood.

It's been a long year,

and so many things have happened,

good,

bad,

and I have to do it again.

to Elfin;

thank you,

for listening to my side of the story,

when I believed that no one would,

for talking to me,

when no one else was willing to,

for showing me,

that there's more to life,

and that it's to precious

to waste away on people who didn't care.

And finally,

for giving me strength and courage

to end it well.

to Iris;

thank you,

for allowing me back into your life,

for forgiving me even if you doubted me,

for giving me a chance,

And finally,

for opening my heart,

by showing me yours.

to Amanda;

thank you,

for being here for me,

time after time,

I haven't been the nicest person,

but you stuck with me,

when I was sad,

and alone,

till now,

when I'm happy.

So please remember,

even in the darkest of nights,

will come the light of day.

to Jane;

thank you,

for listening,

for being here,

for all the joyous times

you were willing to share with me.

Please,

don't give up on anything,

because you are one of

the strongest people I've ever met.

And the most unique.

So remember,

time is precious,

treasure it,

don't be late.

to Ezzul;

thank you,

for believing in me,

when I doubted myself.

for loving me,

when I hated myself.

for telling me

the funniest things,

and for making so many

of my days.

Because in the end,

I find that you will always be here for me,

even when I'm not here for myself,

and thank you,

for your selflessness,

and your sacrifices.

to Jayden;

thank you,

for showing me,

that life doesn't have

to be serious all the time,

for giving me something

to look forward to during chinese,

thanks for being lame,

and making me laugh.

to Jowen;

thank you,

for guiding me,

and for treating me.

You're my friend,

and I've seen your heart,

I've seen the generosity of it,

but the thing is,

you give so much to others,

that you leave yourself with nothing.

In the end,

don't sacrifice things

that are unnecessary.

to Michael;

thank you,

for showing me that

friendship is mutual,

and how TV is awesome,

and giving me something

that's mature to talk about.

to Wei Ying;

thank you,

for showing me that in the end,

all I needed was a little push,

and some support,

and for remembering what I like,

cause it makes me feel

that much more significant.

to Amos, Yi Jia and Jiang Hao;

thank you,

for being there for me,

whether it's for giving me support,

or holding an umbrella,

thank you,

for listening to me,

in my time of pain.

to Alex,

thank you,

for all the strength

that you gave me,

but you need to know,

that you are strong,

don't give up

because you failed,

challenge yourself,

try and try again,

and fight for things

that you believe in.

to Fabian, Claire and Ming Liang;

thank you,

for listening to my cussing,

and bearing with me through my bullshit,

for giving me something

to smile about when I'm down.

to all the friends who have come and gone;

thank you,

for finding it in your heart,

to let me go.

Let's Start Out Slow

2009-12-25T21:40:00.001+08:00

The flashy girl from Flushing.

Because I felt,

that in the end,

during the last stretch,

I wasn't going to make it.

It would take a shot to my chest,

or a knife to the gut,

or a vehicle to run me down.

And I was scared.

I was scared that

it wouldn't end the way

I wanted it to end.

And all in the name of perfection.

Holding Hands.

2009-12-21T21:06:00.003+08:00

Rule of the house: Marijuana is illegal in the states, yes, even if baked in blueberry muffins, that someone may mistakenly eat for breakfast, before leaving for their job as a TV newscaster. "This just in, look at my hand, how weird is my hand?" is not an appropriate thing to say on the air!

I would like to wipe

that smug look off your face,

I would,

but I still want to understand what I did,

what I did to cause you to treat me,

treat me like I'm a slave,

not worthy of anything.

And if you're not going to tell me,

I won't ever understand.

I know you're angry,

because honestly,

you don't hide it well,

you look at me different,

different than all the others,

and I would like to ask you why.

I am sorry

if I have caused you

inconvenience,

or any form of threat.

I just wanted you to know,

that you touched my life,

and constantly talked to me

when I was down,

I know I didn't do the same thing to you,

but you need to know,

that you gave me strength,

and showed me

that bad times,

will be over,

eventually.

And I'll be here,

when you need me.

Think Peace

2009-12-18T00:10:00.003+08:00

Talkin' through the schnoz.

If life was a game,

And each person had something specific.

What would I be?

Like Monopoly.

Where you get money,

'till you are bored,

then what happens next?

Like Bubble Shooters

Where you get one shot

and one shot only,

or you plunge into failure,

then what happens next?

Like Pokemon.

Where you go where you need to go,

do what you need to do,

buy what you need to buy,

where life is planned out,

and you follow through

or you can't advance,

then what happens next?

Like Tetris.

Where you fit everything perfectly,

and you know somehow,

everything will be alright,

cause circles won't be

pouring down anytime soon.

You make some sacrifices

to deal with the next problem,

then what happens next?

Do we choose another game

when we're bored?

Do we shoot up the board

when we're pissed?

Do we give up

when we're frustrated?

Do we stick to safety

and stick to the rules

when we are scared?

Or maybe,

Do we stop,

think,

and realise,

that there can never be

one game for one person.

And if the rules say so,

Screw the rules.

Bugger Fish

2009-12-15T22:18:00.002+08:00

Life only has meaning because there is an end. Death is what forces people to live.

In the end,

if I could do it all over again;

I would learn

to love exercise.

I would take out

5 minutes a day

just to smile.

I would take

strolls in the park.

I would say

I love you

to my family

and mean it.

I would have learnt to live in the moment.

Life is short,

you never know when you would die,

so what on Earth are you waiting for.

Time to ask yourself,

if in a minute,

we were to die,

would we die happy?

Yellow Head.

2009-12-14T22:57:00.003+08:00

Ok, don't panic, we'll wrap up here and we'll go home and panic.

I finally understand

how it feels to fight a war,

by yourself.

So screw it,

screw your holier-than-thou attitude,

because it's bloody selfish.

Cheerio

2009-12-12T18:40:00.002+08:00

You child.

It was simple.

It was a phone call.

and it made me feel

significant.

Because in the end,

you were always by my side,

even when you

were thousands of miles away.

And it made me feel special.

Court and Clark

2009-12-10T21:46:00.004+08:00

Who would shoot a gnome? And why is the "G" silent?

Is it a drama,

where the leads

just can't seem to find each other?

Is it a tragedy,

where everything was meant

to go down the drain.

Is it a twisted game,

where all we do

is rack up the pieces,

and play again?

Is it stereotypical,

that you will always be in front of me,

and I won't be able to see?

Is it an alien language,

because I don't think your words are true

or they are,

but they no longer apply?

Is it me,

or is it you?

Bald Cap

2009-12-07T21:38:00.004+08:00

Barbie's in denial, never listen to a woman who can't wear flats.

Oh,

Thank you,

for listening,

for being different,

for being someone

whom I can be myself around.

Thank you,

for being open to me,

and for allowing me back into your life.

Thank you,

for being here,

and talking to me.

Thank you,

for letting me breathe.

Thank you,

for smiling,

when you could have walked away.

The Zeppo

2009-12-03T21:34:00.002+08:00

What else does this "genius" have to say?

Hey.

Look at me.

Hey.

Listen to me.

Hey.

Talk to me.

I just want to sit down,

and to have a cup of coffee,

maybe ice cream,

and a conversation.

I want you to tell me

what's going on in your life,

what's going to happen next,

and eventually,

where we would go from here.

I believe that not all stories have happy endings,

but I believe if you are willing to work at it,

it will give something back.

I just need you to say,

sorry.

I just need you to listen.

I just need some basic respect.

I just need you to know,

that your words and thoughts,

are important.

but so are your ears.

So listen,

nod,

and accept,

and don't assume.

Because it's childish,

and obnoxious.

Because at the end of the day,

I just want to tell you what happened.

Eat Cake.

2009-11-30T21:58:00.004+08:00

That damn prozac is turning me into a caring human being, and they said there's no harmful side effects.

Because in the end,

I didn't have the strength to carry on.

Because in the end,

I'm sure that I had made the right choice,

but am unsure of where to go from here.

Because in the end,

I didn't get why

no one could understand.

Because in the end,

it didn't matter.

Because in the end,

I lost my faith in passion.

Because in the end,

at long last,

I traced back my roots,

and went back to the beginning.

And found out that,

when I gave something

the love and attention it needs,

it lasted beyond what I had expected it to.

Chopped

2009-11-22T22:56:00.002+08:00

I wanna live a life from a new perspective.

It's over,

I'm tired of waiting for people to change,

when I should have done this all along.

Why wait for someone

to push the red button,

when you are closer to it?

It is,

forever more,

my own choice.

You see,

you have one life,

you either waste it away,

or you live it.

Because in the end,

I want people to remember me,

remember that I was larger than life.

Shmegegge

2009-11-20T22:26:00.005+08:00

Being Jewish. Remember, people? Not everybody worships Santa!

I sit alone,

and wonder.

I did something wrong,

was it my look?

Or the charms

of the other girl?

I sit alone,

and think.

Am I losing it?

The passion

I pumped through my veins?

I saw eyes,

webs,

of complex

pain.

I see a girl,

who is getting back at me.

I see a boy,

plotting against me.

I see a teacher,

thinking I've changed.

I see a mirror,

and can't find the truth.

Boundaries

2009-11-19T22:18:00.003+08:00

I don't want to protect you from the world, I want to show it to you.

What is happening to us?

for in the past,

rhyme or not,

we would be there for each other,

and you were the thing I would count on.

It didn't matter that

people didn't know how close we were,

we were two very opposite things,

but we had a friendship,

and for the first time

it was something where

I didn't care what other people thought of it.

Where have you gone?

What's happening to us?

we decided to be awesome,

united

and all the things that come with the package,

but no,

we,

because of selfish reasons

chose to break the bonds,

and become particles,

instead of supreme.

What's happening to us?

we used to be close,

and now

we do things to irritate each other,

and then pretend that nothing's wrong.

What's happening to us?

I don't wish you anything,

but for you to accept all that is happening

around you,

I used to understand,

but now,

I find myself holding back,

because you are,

if I'm not wrong,

threatened?

What's happening to me?

I am numb.

I did so many things,

made so many choices,

gave up so many dreams,

changed so much of me.

And what have I found,

a girl,

a little girl,

caught in the rain.

Eyes.

Windows.

Maybe I was selfish,

for choosing my happiness

over yours,

and in that,

I took the easy way out,

and left you standing alone.

Maybe I was wrong,

for not fighting harder,

not fighting more often,

not fighting for everyone,

not fighting for more.

Maybe I was weak,

and lost my faith,

I still remember

how you knew that we

were important.

And I let everything slip away.

Maybe I lost it all,

passion,

my ability to think,

my ability to speak,

and overall my ability to do.

To act on my instincts,

my visions,

my love,

and my passion.

Maybe I saw it coming,

But I saw me fighting,

Not anymore.

I want to say,

that I didn't lie,

that I am happy,

that I am okay,

that I am fine.

I can't,

not anymore,

not when keeping it in

hurts more than

I could imagine.

I want to say

all the things I want to say,

Do,

all the things I want to do,

without thinking,

and be spontaneous,

but I can't.

I made a person,

who can't talk

about what's bothering her,

about all the things,

because of the extent of trust,

about people,

cause they won't understand,

who can't shout DICK without getting stares,

who can't feel the warmth and love of people,

who can't do what she wants to do,

for she's afraid of judgement.

who can't do all the things she wants to do,

because if she does,

she's trying to get the throne.

I made a person,

and in that,

destroyed myself.

So I cannot answer the question,

but I am asking all to help,

Who am I?

Eating Airplanes.

2009-11-13T21:42:00.004+08:00

Did I know? For 4 years I've been hinting to him, I've been hinting to you, I've been hinting to him to hint to you, why do you think I don't have time to make pate?

It's over,

we stepped off the stairs,

finally.

We made through a year,

mostly confusion,

and pain,

but also discovery.

I found out who I was,

and in that,

found what I held dear to me.

Scallops,

awesome.

And when we left,

I was happy,

more than I ever thought

I would be,

I was happy.

I didn't regret any choices I made,

nor the sacrifices.

I found people,

that returned my love,

and things that,

were simple,

were obvious,

and have been with me

right from the beginning.

I was selfish at times,

putting my own happiness

over another's,

but I hope she finds her own peace.

I am quiet at times,

like many times before this year,

but I need you guys to know,

I'm no longer thinking as much,

I know I'm pushing the edge

and may sound bimbotic here,

but my mind is not filled

with all the complications

that troubled me once before.

When I am quiet,

I find myself

silently contemplating the future.

I find myself

exhausted from all that we have been through.

And I find myself

knowing that people are there to catch me.

I'm not upset,

not in pain,

not anymore.

because this year,

I found friends,

I found passion,

I found the ability to smile,

and in all,

I found myself.

And for that,

I thank everyone

for taking this journey with me.

It's Already Dripping.

2009-11-04T21:47:00.000+08:00

Gee, is that ice cream cone big enough?
Uhhh, it's delicious enough.

It's silly,
how much I want this,
I want it.

I had my chance,
but I still want it,
and I do realise,
I have never wanted anything more.

I want to receive it,
because all I want is
to put all my love
and effort
and attention
into it.

And it hurts,
to see it walk into arms of
indifferent people.

Now, do you see the irony?

We Can Promise.

2009-10-31T09:44:00.000+08:00

You think I'm losing sight of the big picture, but I'm not. When Spike had that chip, it was like having him in a muzzle. It was wrong. You can't beat evil by doing evil. I know that.

For a second,
I was confused.

For a second,
I doubted my feelings,
and my ability.

For a second,
I was afraid that I wasn't good enough.

But the thing is,
I was wrong.

You told me,
You gave me,
You let me hold onto
the strength I needed
and was afraid I had lost.

You gave me the affirmation
that you wanted me there,
more than others,
you wanted me.

Not the pretty girl,
Not the outspoken girl,
Not the one that has found herself.

You wanted none of the above.

And the thing is,
I want it.

We all want it.

More than those
who can have it,
we want it.

So please,
listen,
and give us a chance.

Because it's all we're asking you,
Because all we want is to spend our final days
working on something so amazing.

And when it finally happens,
you will never regret it.

Wyndam-Pryce

2009-10-29T21:40:00.000+08:00

Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.

M'darling,
give me a moment,
let me spell it out for you,
and let you see,
for real this time,
and let you see the truth

Don't you see,
there's nothing to forgive,
as you did no wrong,
as have I,
I knew I wanted a second path,
and I chose to walk away.

It's nobody's fault,
we made a deal
to end our pain,
because we were friends
from the very beginning,

I realised that we were only friends,
because it would be inconvenient not to be.

Maybe I was right,
and maybe I was wrong,
I may have made a mistake,
but whether I did or didn't,
I moved on.

And I wouldn't talk about me forgetting,
because I can't remember
half the things I did
the day before.

It's painful,
and it's hard,
but it's life.

And the thing is,
if I could relive the moments once again,
I'd never want anything to change.

Feels Like Tonight

2009-10-27T20:36:00.000+08:00

What you did, was necessary, what I've always admired, you chose what to do with little difficulty,
because you placed your heart above all else.

It was the animosity,
the fear,
and the lion,
who seemed to come,
time after time,

when I least expected,
when I was at my lowest.

It is from the windows,
from which souls were made visible.
Windows all around me.

It is from the mumblings,
and all such meaningless,
lowly tunes.

I believed that I had found my happiness
and forgotten all the pain and sorrow.

But it was there,
lurking,
waiting,
like a gentleman,
only acting when the time was right.

How do I trust,
when my paramours are haunting me,
with the secrets,
and gossips.

How do I feel,
when I'm in a cage,
no light,
no freedom as such,
and I cannot move forward,
not because you're holding me back,
but because I choose to stand beside you.

I miss the talks.
The laughter.

but that's all we really had.

and I hate it.

I hate that it's so hard,
because all I want is to feel,
not the cheap thrill of roller coasters,
50 feet in the air,
but the emotional high and lows
that everyone talks about.

I hate that I try hard to make you understand,
and you don't even give me your 2-cents worth.

I hate that my fingers are less fluid,
for in the past,
I would be able to type
and type some more.

And you let me see,
you asked me to,
and I'm glad you did,
you reminded me about what I wrote to you,
a little more than a month ago,
and I remembered all the love that I received,
and all the love that I gave.

I am my own person,
there isn't a way to make this complicated,
because it is what it is,
simple.

I choose my own destiny,
and path my own road.

And I will become a better person,
not for your eyes,
but for my own.

Purple Poker

2009-10-23T23:14:00.000+08:00

Because when he breaks in and starts hacking you up with his machete, your screams will wake me up, and then I'll be able to escape.

I'm satisfied,
with my life.

I don't have the sick and twisted problems,
but there's a lack of something,
as if I could only be who I am
when I wasn't happy.

Lyrics came and went through my head,
like blood pumping.

And once more,
and maybe forever,
I will be empty,
silent,
shuttered and dank,
without passion and without dreams.

Will I go on like this?
I'm I good at being depressed?
Does that make me a better person?

and am I going to change just because
I can't write like before,
or nothing cool comes out of my head,

No.
That's retarded.

Do you think I'm happy about it,
not having my books filled with words,

Now,
if you can do what I used to,
on a daily,
no, on a regular basis,
then tell me what you think.

I'm trying.

The 2 and the Conjoined

2009-10-23T22:55:00.000+08:00

I said shut the hell up.

Can it be simple?

Can you tell me numbers,
like you did before?

Can you hold my hand,
like when we ran to the dance floor?

Can you get a razor,
or don't,
I'll be fine with anything.

Can you make me laugh,
like the time when the country girl wasn't famous yet.

Can it be simple,
or is it just too much to ask?

Button, Button, Who's got the button?

2009-09-09T20:12:00.000+08:00

Shame on you. Why does a man do what he musn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev-To be a kind of man. And she will look upon him with forgiveness... and everybody will forgive and love. And he will be loved. So everything's okay, right? C-can we rest now?

when I saw,
when it was right there,
in front of me,
I got it.

it's going to happen again,
I am going to go through more troubles,
and hardships,

I am going to cry again,
and hurt,
and scream,
but then again it won't matter.

because in the end,
I'll have all of you,

I gave out my heart and soul,
and I was loved,

all that happened
didn't matter,
never mattered,
and will never matter.

because I found my place,
I found my happiness,
and I was loved.

Roadmap

2009-08-22T23:02:00.000+08:00

Please, how many times have I heard that line in my demon days? "I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?

Or terrified. Whatever.

It went over,
time and time again,
how it works,
how I would make it work.

What she said,
and her,
and her.

all the people,
talking,
saying,
singing.

I will miss the people that came and went,
and I will love the people who remember.

I see those,
who do not see me.
who have gone,
and would not turn back,
and I am hollow.
I had convinced myself that
you had meant the most to me,
not because you taught me the most,
but because you were willing to share my mirth and sorrow.

but where are you now?

And That's Enough.

2009-08-16T22:00:00.000+08:00

so you are in an abyss,
lost and alone,
nothing to fight for,
nothing to lose,
no hope,
no friends,
no happy ending,
nothing to look forward to,
no simple memories,
no weapons to fend for your self,
no family,
no sense of right and wrong,

nothing left,
everything gone,
everything stolen,

take all that away,
and what's left?

me.

You'll Be There For Me?

2009-08-05T21:51:00.000+08:00

Will I stay this way forever?
Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor?

sing me a song,
read me a prayer.

I know we all have to let go someday.

I look at all the things around me,
and ask the simple why.

why,
why am I whiny?
why am I alone?
why am I trying?

when everyone says that it's okay,
and that "you have us"
comforting words,
but also,
hollow.

so who do I have.
do I even exist?

I look at what people have,
simple,
happy lives.
with friends that will will be there till the day they die.
simple isn't it?
how happy they are?

I don't remember when I was happy.
I was,
I just don't know when.

I don't even know whether I can be
a happy person.

so the best friend in the story
is left,
forgotten.

the unpopular geek leaves school,
knowing another phase of her life has pass,
but turns behind and sees everyone walking away.

so she's alone.
walking on.
no where to go,
no place to run,
nothing to do,
no sights to see,
no songs to sing.

living her life

so give me a reason
to get out of bed in the morning.
so give me an excuse
to get me to smile
so give me a path
to get me walking
so give me hands,
to get me to tear this mask off.
so give me a mirror
to let me know I'm still here.

so give me something to sing about.

Tegan

2009-07-31T22:13:00.000+08:00

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So, tell me when you gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.

In these 2 years
that we have been friends,
I have gained a lot from you
in the sense that
you have taught me a lot.

and I have also lost a lot,
in the sense,
that I lost a great friend,
you.

you were there for me,
when no one understood,
you were there to listen,
you were there.

and in that moment where I lost you,
I blamed her.
I blamed her,
because she was the one talking to you.
joking with you.

how childish I was.
selfish.

I blamed so many people,
but when I thought about it,

when I asked myself,
I realised,
that I wasn't the perfect friend.
I realised,
that I too was irritating.
I realised,
that I, myself drove you away.

and for that,
I really am sorry.
for I have hurt you,
or being childish,
thinking someone stole you away,
and that I had nothing to do with it.

But please know,
You will always be my
freakishly good friend.

Mugger

2009-07-29T21:18:00.000+08:00

Don't blame the pretty lady. Coo.

You know how I feel,
because it happened to you.

You took the one friend I could call true.
You took the one freakishly good friend I had,
when I had nothing else.
And you took her away.

Look at yourself,
and ask yourself,
whether you deserve it.

Salvation

2009-07-29T21:15:00.000+08:00

the people who don't care will never understand the people who do.

I really thought that I was the boundary.

So maybe we aren't that close.
maybe we shouldn't have chosen to become friends.
maybe you came into my life to teach me something.
maybe you deserve more.

but I don't think I'm the person you're looking for.

I'm saying,
maybe it's over.

First Date

2009-07-24T22:25:00.000+08:00

No, you have to stay. 'Cause I'm not ready for you to not be here.

I need someone to reassure me,
to tell me again,
why I'm doing this.

I want someone to say,
hey you were great.

someone that is willing to give me attention.
not because I did something random,
or cried out silly things,
or even jumped about and smiling like an idiot.

I need someone,
to tell me that I was good,
because I put in the effort,
and did well.

I need someone,
to see me,
not as the best friend,
not as the good girl,
not as the cheerful sweetheart,
not as the emotional wreck,
not as the crazy looney,

but me,
the one who has a mind of her own,
the one who loves english songs only,
the one who thinks that IKEA meatballs are awesome,
the one who loves shows that portray female empowerment,
the one who has trouble fitting in,
the one who has trouble being herself,

I need someone to asks someone to shut up,
when that person has hurt me,
even though what the person said was funny.

I want someone
to reassure me that everything will be ok,
to reassure me that even if I'm teased that it was unintentional,
to reassure me why I did what I did,
and if it was wrong,
and guide me step by step on how I could correct that mistake.

I am so sick of people fawning over someone,
someone so hungry for attention,
so needy for a reply,
and so pushy for information.

It's when people don't see what is right in front of them,
and just not see how others are hurt,

I know it's unintentional.
and I know that you don't really care,
I also see how you don't see me,
as if I'm beneath you.

not good enough to be your friend,
not good enough to compliment,
not good enough to know things,
not good enough to be clever,
not good enough to scream,
not good enough to deserve any respect,

just a lowly servant,
begging to be in your good graces.

and the funny thing is,
you act as if you don't even know it.

I need someone to reassure me why I'm doing these things,
why I got into the play,
why I got to be your friend,
why I was willing to sacrifice so much in the past,
but not now.
why aren't I talking to you?
why am I so insecure?
why is it that I need to hang onto shit?
why am I letting everything get to me?

why isn't anyone stepping forward?

I'm Sorry.

2009-07-18T21:00:00.000+08:00

THAT'S NOT RUNNING, THAT'S FALLING!

when people say things,
and do things,
what do they really mean,
some are blessed
with the ability
to choose exactly
what words to say
to a person.

when you talk to a person,
do you say what's in your mind?

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,

and after a while,
you won't mean those words,
you'll just be lying.

and what good is that?

I'm sorry,
truly,
I am.

Are you in, or are you out?

2009-07-16T20:32:00.000+08:00

Anya, I have faith in you. There is no one you cannot piss off.

It's tiring,
to pretend,
to make everything a lie,
to live a lie.

but you see,

lies,
they make up this complex web of shit,
that everyone spins,
and day after day,
you're going to start to forget
who you lied to,
and what you lied about.

and it's ridiculous
on all the little things
we need to lie about.

and it's sad,
how all of us
lie, and are upset
when other people do it.

people lie,
all the time
when we obviously don't need to.

why?

seriously,
why do people lie?

in this,
simple,
yet complex
mind of ours,
why do we lie?

we lie,
because someone will get hurt if we don't.

but no.
that just isn't a good enough reason.

Merteuil

2009-07-16T20:26:00.000+08:00

Be her Captain Picard, Valmont. Boldly go where no man has gone before.

I can't
I couldn't
I won't.

for too long,
I've kept silent.
and for too long,
I've been empty.

So this is it,
I'm doing this.

I'm being brave,
and being bold,
and doing something,
on my own,

and i'm putting my first step forward.

this is it.
i'm back.